In My Heart

On September 28, 2006, Congress passed H.Con. Res. 222 decaring October 15th as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Each year approximately one million babies are lost due to miscarriage, still birth and infant death. Many of these families never see their baby's face, some may hold their child, others hold their child while they slip silently from this world. As different as each family's situation is they have some things in common, they have lost a child that was very much loved and wanted. In too many cases they grieve in silence...alone.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day is an opportunity for families to remember and celebrate those children, who for a very brief moment touched their hearts, if not their hands. It is also an opportunity for parents who have lost a child to reach out to others who may still be struggling with a recent loss and let them know they are not alone.

When you ask me how many kids I have, I say 2, because it's easier... but, we became part of those statistics in October 1997 (angel baby 12 weeks) and in May 1998 (angel baby 15 weeks) and again on December 13, 2001 when Alec was born at 7 months and passed away minutes later. Each time I felt at fault, guilty, angry and mostly alone. Very few people are willing to talk about the loss of a child, especially a child that wasn't held or that may not have cried. No one knows what to say and sometimes well meaning friends don't say anything. My friend Laurie gave us this poem by Gail Fasolo after Alec was born, her family traveled this path before us. It said quietly what we often wanted to scream from the roof top...

Just say "I'm Sorry"

You don't know how I feel - please don't tell me that you do
There's just one way to know - have you lost a child too?
"You'll have another child" - must I hear this each day?
Can I get another mother if mine should pass away?
Don't say it was "God's will" - that's not the God I know.
Would God on purpose break my heart, they watch as my tears flow?
"You have an angel in heaven - a precious child above."
But, tell me, to whom here on earth shall I give this love?
"Aren't you better yet?" - Is that what I heard you say?
No! A part of my heart aches - I'll always feel some pain.
You think that silence is kind, but it hurts me even more.
I want to talk about my child who has gone through deaths door.
Don't say these things to me, although you do mean well.
They do not take my pain away; must I go through the hell?
I will get better slow but sure - and it helps to have you near.
But a simple, "I'm sorry you lost your child" is all I need to hear.

In honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day please, light a candle at 7 pm (local time). Let it burn an hour to help create a wave of light to remember babies who are forever in our hearts. This is for our Angel babies and our precious little Alec, forever loved, forever remembered.

Websites:
Remembering Our Babies
Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support